


Saudade

by Beazel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Titans (Shingeki no Kyojin), Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Enemies to Its Complicated to Lovers, F/M, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:27:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beazel/pseuds/Beazel
Summary: There are no monsters — At least the fictional ones. Skinwalkers. Wendigo. Giants. The ones made up to frighten little children at night, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist in a less fantastical way.Marley, his home country, had been at war with Eldia for a little over a decade now.For twelve miserable years life had become all but stagnant, days blurred together. Wake up. Lace tedious mud-stained leather boots. Listen to the static voices of the radio, wait for the news; be it good or bad.Maybe in a another life, where war wasn’t ravaging the country, Reiner could have found happiness.It’s a nice thought.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Reiner Braun/Eren Yeager
Comments: 52
Kudos: 102





	1. Prologue: The Past, Now and Future

**Author's Note:**

> Translation: _Saudade_ refers to the feeling of longing for something or someone that you love which is lost. It is bittersweet, empty feeling of something or someone that is missing.
> 
> **Year 856**  
> 

A gray hair. 

Add it to the never ending list of his problems. 

Reiner is only twenty-three when he spots the silver strand, standing out against the sea of blond. Really, it’s not even noticeable. Maybe if someone were to squint hard enough, stare long enough they might see it. 

But it’s definitely there. 

He debates for moment, whether to pluck it or not. Staring at his reflection he decides to leave it be. He has a vague memory, something along the lines of; _“If you remove a gray hair three more will take its place.”_ Who said this, he can’t recall. Whether or not it’s true Reiner doesn’t know, but right now it’s the least of his worries.

Marley, his home country, had been at war with Eldia for a little over a decade now. 

For twelve miserable years life had become all but stagnant, days blurred together. Wake up. Lace tedious mud-stained leather boots. Listen to the static voices of the radio, wait for the news; be it good or bad. 

Neither side has yet to put an end to the bloodshed. Never pulling the finishing blow. So the world stayed frozen, on its axis in waiting, hoping one day to turn again. 

Sure, there had been victories, those nights could be spent pretending to be common folk. Crowded tents filled with blissful laughter and drinking. For a few sweet hours they could forget. It was enough to bring most to tears of joy. 

It never lasted though, only ever temporary distractions. He can’t blame them, for getting swept away in normality. It wasn’t healthy to spend every waking moment waiting for an artillery shell to come crashing through the roof. Celebrations short lived, eventually being forced back into reality. Returning to the trenches. Back to hell. 

The battles lost hit harder every time. Those nights unbearable weight rested on everyones shoulders. Causalities of the fallen leaving the living to mourn with a heavy burden. Sleep would never come easy those nights, if at all. With every defeat it took longer to recover. 

But they were never truly recovering. 

And it only seems to get worse with each passing year. The worlds color fading into the gray.

This year the consequences of war were felt by everyone. Between the almost daily food shortages and Marleys increasing economic imbalance it was a raging dumpster fire. The country had been isolated, its borders now the front lines of war. 

The war started when Reiner was eleven and not even a year later Marley had opened its first internment camp. Forcibly displacing all Eldians within Marley into the zone, willingly or not. The Braun family had been no different, being one of thousands to be placed within Liberio. His mother, had attempted to keep their blood secret, his father was Marleyan so there had been hope. 

A fleeting dream. 

It hurt, when his father left that night. His mother begging him to stay at the doorway, openly weeping, an inconsolable mess. Their relationship had already been irremediable, in tatters long before the country fell into chaos. Reiner could only watch from the corner of the walkway, he hadn’t been able to change anything. 

The next morning had been inconceivable. 

A hard knock at the door breaks the early stillness of the Braun household, his mother rushing to answer, a habit. Expecting to find his father on his knees groveling for forgiveness. It was a familiar picture, something she had seen a hundred times before. 

On the other side of the weathered door stood four Marley Officers waiting.

To think, his father would prioritize saving his own skin over them. At the time it was the worst pain Reiner had ever felt, a million times worse than any scrap from falling off his bike had been. It took him for the ache to dull and even now the scar still throbs when he recalls. So he doesn’t. They held no value to his father, Reiner understands this now. Had been less valuable then monetary gain. Reiner doesn’t know if his mother knows and he doesn’t have the heart to ask.

_"It's only temporary." His mothers arms wrap around him tightly, it's meant as reassurance but the suitcase sitting in the corner of his vision is a reminder of their fate._

_"Once the war is over we'll be able to come back home."_

Condemned both Reiner and his mother move to their new home. 

_“Can I?” He whispered, fiddling with his hands. “Do you think I can really do it?”_

_She smiles back at him, all hope and warmth swimming in his mothers eyes. “I know you can.”_

At sixteen Reiner was able to apply and join the Marley Military. 

Reiner had been so nervous, his hands shook as he signed the forms, signing his life away. But he had never felt more ready in his short life. Ready to save his home country from the _evil_ Eldians. Even as a devil himself they hadn’t turned away the opportunity to recruit more forces. Of course there were strict exams and had been required to pass with high performance scores. Just numbers on paper, a tally to the list. 

The camps were separated, Eldians were kept away from Marleyan soldiers. Reiner remembers the tents and how unforgiving they had been. His toes frozen under the paper thin sheets, the mattresses barely an inch thick.

That was where he met them. 

Marcel, Bertholt, Annie, Pieck and Galliard. 

There’s a great deal of guilt when he thinks of them.

That had been seven years ago, a lot had changed since then.

When Reiner looks back on his younger self he only feels shame, of how blind he had been. He’s picked up a lot of bad habits over the years, sometimes he’s not even sure if his thoughts are his own. 

Reiner can’t remember when he first noticed, it started off small, in the safety of his own mind. He made sure to keep it in check, under lock and key. Those kind of thoughts weren’t meant to be chained down though. One night the words slip off his tongue before Reiner can stop them. It had been a night he was visiting his mother. He had been promoted to Vice Commander for his _bravery_ so he had the privilege to return home every once in a while.

There’s a full minute of silence. 

They had been eating, what a way to ruin dinner. 

“What did you say?” 

His mother was looking at him in a way she never had before, frightened. 

Reiner tries to play it off. Wants to pretend.

“Hm, I didn’t say anything.” The soldier pushes the food with his fork. Suddenly it doesn’t look as appetizing.

She doesn’t play along this time.

“No, you said...” Voice wavering as she speaks, betraying her. She’s known about his feelings for a while but now that’s it out in the open it’s hard to swallow. “It would be better if we didn’t live _here_.”

He doesn’t respond. 

A single tear drops to the tables surface, the moisture darkens the wood. He never wanted to hurt her, not like this.

“Ever since you got back you... You haven’t been the same.” Her voice is cracking now as the tears continue to spill over. "Please! You can talk to me!" Now weeping openly in front of him, just like she had with his father years ago. Nothing has changed

He pushes the guilt down, it’s eating away at his insides. Reiner never talks about that specific part of his past, not with her, he can’t. It's better this way. 

To think, some suicidal bastard was the cause of his mothers tears right now. 

He can't help but think Eren would find it ironic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prologue for my first multi chapter fic! I will update ratings/tags when we get there. Prologue does spoil some of the story.
> 
> So this au is nothing original just war without titans/powers also the timeline doesn’t follow the show. Marley and Eldia have been at war for a MUCH MUCH shorter period of time, 12 years. There is the Island of Paradis, but the story with King Fritz will be a little different. Will be explained in later chapters. Not really the canon universe but every similar. The first chapter will take place when Reiner is 19. So we are gonna start with Reiner already being a soldier for 3 years.
> 
> Let me know if you guys have any tips. I’m excited hopefully I’ll be able to post new chapters every 1-3 weeks, depending on how long they are. Uhhh I’m still in school and working part time rn but I should be able to keep on a schedule! I’m almost done with the first chapter so hopefully that won’t be too long :)
> 
> Thanks enjoy!


	2. Faces of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the world caves in and the blood that you shed looses it’s warmth, the words that come to mind are; _I wish I had done better._
> 
> ****
> 
> **Year 852**  
> 

_13:28, outside Bismarck, Marley._

The forecast had been right. Sky a calming blue, it’s expansive reaches disappears well beyond the horizon. 

And just below its brilliance Reiner lies facefirst in the mud.

Baking under the heat of the sun Reiner doesn't register the pain digging into the fabric of his rapidly overheating uniform. With his stomach flat against the earth, sharp jagged stones press into him. With the nose of his rifle pointed across the field he ignores the unforgiving nails of the world. 

Unmoving. There hasn’t been any movement in quite some time now. 

It's unsettling, the stillness firing little signals to every nerve in his body. _Stay focused_. Muscles drawn and tense, to be ready at a moments notice. Alert gold eyes never once breaking the line of sight, locked to the direction where mere minutes ago an assault of fire erupted from. Bullets had whizzed over his head, so close it left his ears ringing. Dropping to the ground in cover he has yet to move an inch. Heart still pounding wildly against his ribs, its almost becoming painful.

They are currently deeper in enemy territory than he’s ever been. 

_It's a warriors duty._

It is an attempt to push their defense line forward. 

Eldia had been on a winning streak for the last six months, backing Marleys troops further inland. Not that the victories meant anything, Marley still very much the stronghold country of the continent. But being forced take the defensive position for months at the front lines did nothing to quell rising the anxiety the ranks. 

The mission was supposed to be a _slow_ blitzkrieg - that’s how they had worded it. Grab territory, defend and repeat. Reiner had been assigned to the unit leading the charge. Accepting the mission without question, already understanding the reasoning behind his selection. Reiner had become quite famous among the ranks, for undesirable reasons. Built like a tank, most people who met him were intimidated by his appearance. Though looks alone were not the only reason he had become a source of bored conversation. 

It’s old news at this point, there’s fresher more exciting things to gossip about around the night fires.

It was back nine months ago when a siege raid had ended in defeat. The Eldian Military is well known for their fortresses, defensive formations tighter than an old misers purse. Nearly losing every soldier sent to capture the fort. It had been catastrophic loss.

The ambush had been doomed from the very beginning. They should have known better. It had been a suicide mission. 

Reiner had been the only one to return.

Of course he hadn’t made it out unscathed, no sane person could. 

Everyday he loses hope that the scars will fade, afraid they might be permanent. The scar tissue runs deeper then any physical infliction to his flesh. It’s something that no amount of time seems to heal. No matter how much he tries to drown it in alcohol. 

There had only been fifty soldiers sent to capture the fort. It was supposed to be an undercover job, in and out during the middle of the night, the Eldians wouldn’t know what hit them. Two of them he practically grew up with, it’s not like it can be considered a childhood though, growing up in Liberio. That had been robbed from them. 

_Bertholdt and Annie._

His chest tightens, its weight unbearable, large fingers press into the wood of the rifle. 

Reiner doesn’t even know the fate Annie suffered. 

He hadn’t seen her ~~or a dead body~~ in the midsts of chaos during the siege. Now considered to be officially dead by Marley, the raid had been over nine months ago and she had yet to return. Reiner doesn’t want to believe it, wants to believe she made it out somehow. Annie was tougher than most. But the uncertainty gnawed at his insides, the ugly facts stare him right in the eye. 

_If she survived where has she been for last nine months?_ Worst case scenario Annie had been captured, a prisoner of war. Reiner pushes it to the back of his mind.

Annies father, Mr. Leonhart, killed himself after receiving the news. Last seen on the Liberio bridge before he jumped, plunging below into the cold waters of one of Marleys many rivers. Swept away in its raging rapids, a body was never recovered. Reiner knew him, but not well enough. 

Reiner can only hope the man was able to find peace. 

Reiner pretends the nightmares aren’t there. That when the sun goes down and he’s alone in his tent they don’t come. He doesn’t allow them to follow him into the waking world, he can’t afford too. 

Still, he’s haunted by Bertholdts last moments. That night had been filled with many lives lost. But hearing his childhood friends screams and shouts had by far been the worst experience of his life. Bertholts shouts for rescue will follow Reiner to his grave.

On the other side of the fortress, out of reach, Bertholdt had met his end. His blood curdling screams only stopped by the unmistakable fire of a single gun shot. Leaving nothing but hair raising silence. It’s the worst sound he’s ever heard. 

Reiner hears the hushed voices when his back is turned. That’s what this was, why he was assigned to this mission. He needs to prove his worth. 

Reiner keeps the photos tucked in the breast pocket of his uniform. Nothing but a thin metal case protecting them from the world. It helps remind him of why he’s here, fighting.

If he fights, if they win, more good people won’t have to have to go through hell. Reiner won’t be able to forgive himself if _they_ have to suffer through this nightmare. At this point it’s the only reason he’s still here. He can’t abandon his family.

He will succeed this time, he’ll make sure of it. They are just this much closer to closing the gap. Soon they will be able live their lives. All they have to do is end the war. Kill the ones who started this.

Reiner brings a hand to wipe the sweat from his brow before looking back through the cross-hairs of his rifle. Eyes widening. 

He had almost missed it. 

There, just beyond the bodies, behind the barbed wire barricades a blur of movement. 

He pulls the trigger.

The shot rings out impossibly loud as it echoes over the barren battlefield.

Bullet missing its target. 

Without moving the gun from his shoulder he rotates, pulls and pushes the empty round from the side of the rifle in one swift motion. Ready to fire again. 

Looking back into the crosshairs just in time to see the dust settling where he fired. 

There’s no movement. 

Suddeny the hair on the back of his neck is raised at a terrifying sound. The sound of shuffling rubble to his left.

Far too close for comfort. 

Reiner turns his body with as much momentum as he can build, adrenaline kicking in. The end of his rifle following his train of vision.

Someone is running, no, sprinting at him, with nothing but a knife in hand. Uniform filthy, the unmistakable white and blue wings of freedom sowed over the left of the chest. 

Had this man been waiting for Reiner to be distracted?

In a blur Reiner takes quick aim, firing the second round. The bullet just grazing barely three inches over the crazy bastards head. 

He probably removed a few dark strands from the untamed hair. 

It doesn’t seem to phase his enemy however.

Before there’s time to reload, the stranger closes the gap between them. On top of Reiner in a heart beat. 

Reiners body is shoved full force into the jagged ground below, dust is sent flying at the impact. Instinct takes over and Reiner has no choice but to drop his rifle. Using his hands to grab the forearms brandishing the sharp blade. It takes a lot more strength to halt the assault than he like to admit. 

It’s now a standstill. Opponent over him with the knife now hovering, frozen, if he had been even a second slower... 

Suddenly there’s more strength being forced down upon him. The knife slowly inches closer to Reiners face. Whoever this is has a lot of willpower. It’s unnatural.

God. Reiners not sure if he’s ever seen such a demonic expression before, it’s almost terrifying. Dark unruly hair half covering his face, creating sharp shadows. Wild green eyes seem to glow hot with seething rage.

Reiner uses all his strength to shove the man off of him. Thud of a body hitting the ground followed by a pained grunt.

It’s his signal to move. 

The Marley soldier is up in a flash, scrambling for the firearm he left lying in the dirt. Fingertips barely graze its hard surface when a hand wraps around one of his ankles, dragging Reiner backwards, back to the earth. Away from his rifle.

The enemy is back on him in seconds. This time hands pressing into Reiners throat, bearing all his weight down on the blond. 

Reiner takes a breath but the oxygen won’t reach him. 

He feels the panic setting in. Rapidly it bubbles to the surface.

Reiners large hands wrap around the wrists, his blunt nails digging into the flesh. But it does nothing. No effect to the man currently choking the life out of him.

_This..._

The brunettes dark somber expression never changes. He doesn’t flinch away from the pain. Not even when Reiner feels warm liquid soak his fingers. Blood. 

Bright green eyes stare down at him, towering over him, there’s nothing but hate in them. 

_... is a true devil._

His lungs feel like they’re deteriorating. The loud drumming of his pulse beating against his ear.

The corners of Reiners vision are fading. 

He can barely pick out the silhouette standing over the shoulder of the man killing him. 

The sun draping the figure in shadow. 

Suddenly the weight is lifted, enemy no longer holding him down. Reiner had almost missed the movement, it had been that fast. 

A powerful kick had knocked the brunette off of him, the hit landing on the left side of the poor bastards rib cage.

He’s not prepared for the wave of deja vu.

Reiner is finally able to take in desperate gulps of air. Eyes scrunched tight in pain, his hands reach to the most definitely bruised skin of his neck in a weak display of protection. 

His lungs had never been so deprived. An unnatural wheeze lacing every breath.

_Someone saved him?_

Reiner hears voices but they are muddled and distorted, oxygen still reaching his starved brain. 

Before he can function, before he even opens his eyes, still caught up in the euphoria of _air_. A heavy force meets the side of his head. 

Like dead weight he collapses to the ground without ceremony.

—

It’s like a dream.

He hears the voices before consciousness reaches him.

_“We should just kill him while he’s out.”_

_“We can’t trust him.”_

_“You trusted me.”_

—

When Reiner comes back to reality it’s abrupt and sudden. Like struggling to the surface of a lake he wakes gasping for air. There’s nothing peaceful about it. 

Under him is no longer the rough terrain of the battlefield but a flimsy thin mattress, just like the ones he grew up with.

Above him hangs a brick ceiling. Overtired eyes are quick to adjust to the poorly lit room. His head throbs. 

Immediately Reiner feels unease, he doesn’t know where he is. It’s unlike any Marley Military camp he’s been too. But there’s a strange sense of familiarity in the old walls.

He feels eyes on him. 

Sitting up fast, his muscles strain and ache, ignoring the pain Reiner understands his own unease. Ahead of him are two people behind the bars of a jail cell. 

No that’s not right. 

It’s him whose been caged. 

Reiners in a cell, brick walls surround him with thick iron bars. Torches light the narrow exterior hall, they hang on the sturdy walls outside, out of reach. 

The dots connect themselves, it becomes clear why the walls feel familiar. Wherever he is closely resembles one the many holds where they kept prisoners of war. The resemblance is unsettling.

Gold bloodshot eyes focus to the blurry figure standing not even twenty feet away.

Reiner feels his heart stop.

There, just beyond the prisons bars, leaning against a wall is the one and only Annie Leonhart. 

A concussion. Yes, that must be it

Reiners Head hit the ground maybe a little too hard, brain rattled around in his skull too much. She looks just as she had the day she went missing back during the ambush. Faded blond hair tied up, pale blue eyes that always seemed to look bored, even her lax posture... it just reeks Annie. 

But as she moves, only shifting slightly to cross her arms, does it becomes real.

It’s overwhelming.

Suddenly Reiners swimming. A tidal wave of mixed emotions. Relief radiates through him at the sight of her and underneath the surface. Despair. 

She doesn’t know. 

It’s now clear in his fogged mind, Annie had been the one to save him. It’s better than any scenario Reiner could hoped for.

But...

Her eyes have yet to meet him and right now it’s the worst feeling in the world.

A million questions buzz through his thoughts.

_Annie’s alive? How did she survive?_

_What is she doing here?_

_Why..._

“Reiner, you must have a lot of questions.”

The heavy silence is broken by a male voice.

It’s not her who speaks but the person next to her. Lost in revelation, Reiner almost hadn’t noticed the other. A man whose face he doesn’t recognize. Shorter then him with blond mid length hair. Features almost round and childish so much so that it’s almost a shock when Reiners gold eyes fall to the uniform he’s wearing. The striking blue and white wings Reiner has grown to hate stitched into the fabric. The walls start closing in.

_Annie is with the enemy?_

The devil continues to speak.

“You’re in an underground bunker, across the border line. We brought you here to negotiate.” The strangers voice is gentle, he seems fit for the role. To negotiate, to use pretty words. He’s most likely telling the truth. Trying to build trust, it’s obvious. “If you agree to the terms we can work out a deal that could benefit us all.”

To think, he would be captured by his country’s sworn enemy. He’s worse than pathetic. But not as bad as the traitor standing in front of him.

A laugh tears it’s way out from his own pit of despair, it’s hollow and broken. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” 

“Are you really just going to stand there and say _nothing?_ ” Hoarse voice rising with every syllable, letting the raw emotion escape his stare bore holes into the silent watcher who has yet to come forth. _Annie._

“You left us... Bertholdt died for Marley and you left us!” Finally he catches her sharp eye. _And oh god did it feel good._ Annie staring him down, she had never been one afraid of confrontation and now would be no exception.

“Are you really okay with staying on the side that killed your friend?” Reiners throat burns insanely hot with embers of something twisted and ugly, swallowing ashes, where hands had wrapped around his neck and _squeezed_. 

Reiner reaches for the photos —

Front pocket empty.

“Reiner.” Annie finally comes forth. Hearing her voice again let’s Reiner know that this isn’t a nightmare he’s trapped in. Waiting with bated breath for her first words.

_This is what it comes down to? Had they really meant nothing to her?_

“Do you really think it matters how we die.” 

His vision goes red.

He can’t be the only one to mourn, to suffer.

“In the siege before Bertholdt was killed... I heard him screaming.” Reiners voice is breaking, wheeze worsening.

“I can still hear it.”

Reiner knows he’s pushing her. But he can’t bring himself to stop, he needs her to understand, what for the last nine months has been plaguing him. 

“He screamed, begged for you and me to save him.” His throat is in agony, it’s not just from his wind pipe being crushed. ”I couldn’t save him...”

Annie’s face is turned downwards, the torch flames dance over her. Reiner can’t see her face, vision blurry and wet. _When had that happened?_

“Don’t you feel anythi —“ Reiner doesn’t finish. 

The door to his cell is ripped open, the heavy screeching of metal bars breaking any train of thought. 

Annie’s in the cell with him now. There’s satisfaction in knowing he was able to get under her skin. It proves she’s still human. But Reiner knows he’s about to pay the toll, it might even cost him his life. As long as he dies for the cause he can welcome it without regret.

Directly back of her Reiner sees her blond friend looking, well, not really that surprised. The smaller man makes no move to stop her. It’s not like he could anyway.

 _“Wake up!”_ Reiner almost flinches at the raw emotion, it’s a complete flip to her typically calm demeanor. 

It’s etched all over her face. 

“That shit hole of a country never cared about you!” 

The dam had finally broke, there is nothing to hold back the years of built up hate. 

“They didn’t care about me!”

It’s to fast to dodge. Annie’s leg meets his stomach. One of her famous kicks, they had been feared by every soldier back in Marley. There’s a sick cracking, most likely a rib.

“And they never cared about _Bertholdt!_ “

The impact has Reiner hunched over in seconds, slumped against the unforgiving cement floor. Wheezing and coughing for air, the force knocked the wind out of him. 

“What did Bertholdt die for? Huh? What do you think Marley is going to do to us after the war? Reward us! Say how greatful they are that we helped save their sorry asses?” 

Annies wrong, he knows she is. If it were true then it would mean everything they fought for was for nothing. She’s wrong. Trying to keep the bile from rising to his throat, he curls in on himself. Reiners shaky arms reflexively wrap around himself in defense, but it’s already over. 

She’s finished with him. 

“I left to save my dad and myself. Nothing more.” 

_Her dad?_

Reiner wants to ask what the _hell_ she’s talking about but the waves of overwhelming pain keep crashing down on him. Her father was dead. 

Then it clicks.

_The body was never found._

“Reiner, I’m not going to stick my neck out for you again. Not if you’re going to ignore my advice. You can die for all I care.” 

Still crouched, Reiner can barely keep himself upright, can barely focus. But her words reach him. 

“But if you want to live don’t be a hero for some country that hates you.” 

Reiner cranes his neck upwards from where he’s knelt on the dirty floor. Above him Annies face has already returned to its normal stoicism, or at least at first glance. There’s a crack in her well crafted mask, a facade. He can tell by how the expression rests with unease. Lips pulled tight in strain with her ice blue eyes slightly wrinkled at the corners. She’s trying hard to keep her composure.

Annie still cared for him, in her own way of course. Under all the smoke and mirrors he can tell, she hasn’t changed. 

**_Hate._ **

But there’s something missing behind the word, its meaning lost. Reiner feels a flood coursing through blue veins tempering the flames though they still burn at the touch. 

_Hate._

He wants to hate her, wants to hold her responsible, he can’t find it in himself to do it. 

In a way he finds relief in that.

There’s too much resentment, the wounds to fresh, they're still bleed. But somewhere in Reiners lost mind there’s hope, that maybe this isn’t real, maybe it’s all an act. He wants to cling to that feeling.

Reiner whispers it under his breath, it’s short and comes through clenched teeth, barely audible to even his own ears. Guts still screaming at him it’s all he can manage at the moment. He knows she’ll understand. She never liked it when he got sentimental anyway. 

~~Thank you for saving me.~~

Annie takes one last look at him, something akin to pity coloring her face. There’s more, hiding just under the surface but she doesn’t linger long enough to let him see, leaving him behind. Again.

Her companion, Armin had been his name, looks at Reiner with his brows creased in a mockery of worry. There's no other explanation. Armin appears like he’s going to say something, mouth opening and closing, but nothing comes of it. Reiner can’t understand the emotion behind those eyes.

 _It’s just a trick of the light._ He tells himself. 

There's the click of a padlock.

Armin following after Annie.

Reiner is alone, left with nothing but his thoughts and a broken rib.

_He will make it back home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annie is the mvp of this chapter. She kicked Erens feral ass and kicked the shit of Reiner. I love her so I hope I did her character justice. Annie will get a happy ending because I know Isayama isn’t going to give us one :( 
> 
> Sorry there’s a lot in this chapter I was originally only gonna post the first half but I really wanted the second half in this chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy!


	3. The Hanged Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Saint Bernard sits at the top of the driveway. You always said how you loved dogs. I don’t know if I count but I’m trying my best when I’m howling and barking these songs.
> 
> ****
> 
> **Year 852**  
> 

  
The walls resonate a grim silence, that is, except for the shallow breathing echoing down the vacant stone hall. Ragged and torn. Reiner remains curled in on himself, with his forehead pressed against the cool basement floor. Doing nothing but inhaling and exhaling.

It makes him feel utterly pathetic. 

_Annie's alive. Annie's alive._ But he never expected it to end up like _this_. Now that the soldier is alone can he fully process the situation. Annie is alive and by the sounds of it so is her father. His heart clenches and he’s not sure why. With one last shaky breath is he able to collect himself, forcefully shoving away any unnecessary thoughts to the far reaches of his mind. There will time for that later — After he's turned over every stone in search of escape. His salvation.

Worn hands rise to pat down the material of Reiners uniform, wincing as he grazes fragile ribs a little too earnestly. Ignoring the ache he continues to follow the seams and lines of the suit, only to find the pockets emptied. 

Knife. First aid supplies. The photos... Not even pocket lint had been left behind, picked clean. Vultures.

Reiner is only able to see the door when he’s against the farthest wall opposite the exit. Dark faded oak with metal hinges wide and rusted. It doesn’t appear to be much of a challenge if he had to break through it. A running start and his weight should be enough to push forward if necessary. Though there is one draw back. At Armins departure there had been a low grating sound. _The sliding of a latch?_ Another hurdle he will have to cross when the times comes.

Standing to the most right wall of the prison gold eyes follow the corridor as it continues further down. All semblance of architecture disappears into inky blackness. How far it goes it’s impossible to tell from his cell, void of any light, Reiners captors hadn’t taken the effort to light the entire passageway. Meaning most likely his enemies have no use for it at the moment. The blond can only guess what lies beyond the fires illuminating reach. But comes to the conclusion it’s most likely more cells. He can almost picture them, all lined up in a neat row — a prison block. 

“Hey.” 

Voice raw as Reiner makes an attempt to call out to anyone who might be unlucky enough to be underground with him. The sound fades slowly as it travels down the corridor. Nothing. He tries again.

“ **Hey!** ”

A few moments pass in silence. He is truly on his own.

Reiner begins the search for anything of use inside the cell. To no surprise the room is barren with a few exceptions, in one corner stands the bed his nightmare began on. Its lean metal frame securely bolted to the concrete below, chained down just like him. Opposite the bed a porcelain sink, looking rather old and neglected, the remnants of color long discolored and chipped away. Had it once been white or was it meant to look this, _yellow?_ The space above the faucet is empty. No mirror to be found. Though it’s probably for the better, Reiner’s not sure he would be able to stomach the sight of himself. 

Not after what he is about to do. 

He will have to carve his own path to freedom. No matter the cost.

_And practice makes perfect._

Moving to the sink Reiner turns a nob, with a harsh squeak water starts flowing. Ice cold as it collides with rough hands, washing away all the dirt and grime. Scrubbing the skin raw with blunt nails, the old filth disappears down the drain, making room for new. 

Palms cup the liquid, lifting it towards his exhausted face, the splash refreshing. Fingers wrap around the porcelains delicate edges in a tight grip. 

Gold eyes look forward, to where a mirror should hang. 

“I want to join.”

_Again._

“I want to join the Eldian cause.” 

—

As the hours tick by it becomes clear that there’s more than one nail in Reiners coffin. 

If this is some form of torture, it’s horrendous. The silence, the suspense is enough to drive anyone over the edge. A battle that can’t be won with brute strength like the one he's accustom too. A psychological war. In this war time is not on his side. 

Just another reason why he’s doing _this_.

Turning his focus to the foundations wall that serves as his only view outside the cage. It’s bricks linear, organized but chipped and worn. In a word the whole complex feels... Outdated. After all, he appears to be the only prisoner. 

_They must not take many prisoners — Or maybe they just don't keep them alive for very long._

Reiner wonders if he’s under an old castle. Maybe one that hadn’t been worth the time and man power to secure, Marley probably handed it over to the enemy. As Eldia troops crept further inland many fortress had been lost to their aggressive tactics.

Left to await his trial.

When Armin finally returns he’s alone, no Annie to accompany him. But he doesn’t come empty handed. The shorter man carries a wooden stool under one arm. Reiner says nothing as the furnitures legs meet the floor, with that Armin takes a seat, back to the brick wall. 

“Sorry about the wait.” Armins voice flows smoothly.

“No, you’re not.” Reiner doesn’t bite back the comment. He understands the significance of the stool, Armin plans to spend a lot of time down here. It doesn’t bode well for the captive.

Armin ignores the remark, looking at him with something akin to sympathy. Reiner loathes it.

“I wanted to discuss the offer I mentioned earlier, it’s still on the table if you’re interested.” Slim fingers intertwine as he leans back on the furnishings.

Reiner can guess what his other option is if he says no. Instead of using words he just nods. 

“You’re Eldian, right?” It doesn’t sound like much of a question to Reiner and it makes him wonder just all what Annie. 

“Annie told me you two trained together.” The shorter man pause before leaning forward. “There’s more than one path for you to choose. You don’t have to fight for Marley.”

_No. There’s really not._

At the end of the day choice is a luxury Reiner doesn’t have. It would be all too easy, to get wrapped up in fantasies. Abdoning everything. Never to look back. The very thought is enough to twist his stomach something awful.

There is nothing for him here.

_He’s not Annie._

If he’s lucky his silence probably comes off as contemplation. Trapped between two sides, at least he can only hope so. 

Armin seems to be trying to read his expression. Ocean blue eyes watch his every movement. There’s a long pause before the Eldian soldier starts again. 

“Annie will probably never tell you. In fact she would probably — No, most definitely beat me for saying this...” Armin lets the words out cautiously, testing the waters. “She had been pretty persistent on keeping you alive.” 

Reiner understands the implications. Knows using Annie is a smart play on their side and even in knowing he can’t help but feel more trapped. He doesn’t want some stranger, his enemy, analyzing him. 

“Of course, she will never admit it.” The corners of Armins mouth upturn, ever so slightly. The Eldian soldier raises a hand, bringing it to rub the back of his neck, almost sheepishly. It reminds him of one of Bertholdts habits. “How had she said it? Something along the lines of, ‘Don’t kill him. He’s an idiot but he could be useful —“

“What is it you want from me.” Reiner cuts in before Armin can finish. Unable bear it anymore. Not now, maybe not ever. 

That half smile falls gracefully. 

“I want to offer the same opportunity to you that I did Annie. To fight along side Eldia and safety from prosecution.”

_These are probably the same words used on Annie._

“For you to know it’s possible to change your fate.”

If anything it cements his resolve. _He will not make the same mistake._

“I —“

The moment of truth.

“I’ll join.”

Neither break eye contact for a long minute. Armins a lot sharper than he looks. And there’s a burning question in the back of Reiners mind. “Just like that, you would change sides? Without even hearing the requirements?” 

_What did Annie tell him?_

“Yes.” Mouth dry but polished voice Reiner signs the contract.

Those blue eyes crinkle at the edges, brows creasing. It’s there again, that emotion Reiner doesn’t understand. It really looks genuine.

Armin looks almost, _disappointed?_

“Then you’ll understand that we can’t trust you, at least not right away, right?”

“I know.”

So far the journey home is filled with nothing but promises turmoil and he’s not sure he has the patience to endure.

—

_Reiner clutches the certificate like a lifeline, handling the delicate paper between fingertips._

_Ahead stands a door. Paint peeling along the trim, its color fades with every passing winter. It’s a far too familiar sight. Turning the knob he enters the household, instantly hit with the aroma of food. Freshly made just for him._

_It's the most important day of his life. The day Reiner finally gets to make a difference. And what better way to celebrate than a home cooked meal and good company?_

_Entering the threshold Reiner doesn’t get a single word out before being jumped, an ambush. Tiny arms make their best effort to circle around his large frame._

_Gabi._

_“Congratulations!” Voice loud and boisterous as ever. Even with her growth spurt she’s still so much shorter then him, barely reaching his chest._

_“Hey! Aren’t you even going to ask me if I passed the exam?” Reiner returns her greeting with the same energy smothering her in a tight embrace ruffling her dark hair with a large hand. “What if I didn’t make the cut?”_

_Gabi looks up at him with all the seriousness a twelve year old can muster, swatting his hand away from her now disheveled hair._

_“No, because I already know you passed. There’s no way they could fail you, you are related to me after all.” The younger makes a sad attempt to salvage her ruined hair with her fingers, with poor results. Reiners chuckles, Gabi was right, as always._

_“A lucky guess.” He can’t give her too much credit or she’ll be smug through the whole dinner, not sure he could survive a whole dinner of self-congratulation._

_“And one day I’m gonna join just like you. So don’t be to upset when you’re not the best anymore.”_

_It takes all his self control to keep the smile from falling._

—

Three days. 

It had been three days ago that Reiner agreed to join the Eldian Military.

Sleep never comes easy, especially now, it’s nothing new, nothing unexpected. It’s just... getting worse. 

So much _worse_.

Reiner has been trying his best to keep on a schedule, without being able tell the time of day it has been a challenge. Left with no choice but to rely on those he sees for information. 

It’s a type of frustration he’s never experienced before now

The days have evening grueling, it feels like a full week has dragged by. The, now Ex-Marley, soldier had requested to be informed when it was day and night. To help keep his sanity. Reiner keeps tally marks by his bedside, easy to make with the indent of his nail, the brick giving way to create the small lines.

His uniform now gone, instead he wears civilian clothes.

Only three days. 

Armin had been nice enough to give him a book to occupy his time. He’s barely touched it though, he can barely get comfortable enough to read it. Reiner would much rather spend the majority of his time exercising. He can’t afford to lose his edge. But he can’t due to burning pain that erupts from his chest every time he so much as even takes a deep breath. 

The blond assumes he has a broken rib, if the deep bruising and intense pain on the left side of his rib cage is anything to go by. 

He doesn’t have much medical knowledge, but back in Marley Galliard once suffered from one. Remembering how the doctors had told him it would need to heal on its own and how _utter pissed_ Galliard had been that he was forced to sit out of training for over a month. At the time Reiner had teased him for it. Now he’s in no better of a situation. Galliard would be laughing at Reiner if he knew, would probably tell him that karma was a bitch.

And Reiner would deserve it.

Annie doesn’t come to visit him. He can’t blame her.

Reiner can only wait, for them to take the initiative. It had been part of the deal. He gives them information and they confirm it. Reiner had been careful to give information that wouldn’t hinder Marley too greatly. But it had been a double edged sword. The problem being that it would take time, sending out a small scouting group farther up north to reach the hold. It was probably a months travel he had been told. 

But that’s not all.

The other catch was he has to stay locked up until Armin can decide he’s trustworthy... Maybe it had been a lie all along. Reiner’s second guessing himself now, he had been stupid to think there would be a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. 

One month that’s it.

The sooner he gets out of here the sooner he can put all of this behind him. 

Really though, _only three days?_

—

  
_As Reiner falls he gets a good look at the pillars of smoke towering up from beyond the wall._

_Impossible to breath._

_The sick sound of snapping bone and twisting flesh at his landing causes him to lose his stomach. Landing on the corpses of his comrades, their bodies now serve as nothing more than a cushion, lengthening his life span._

_If only for a few years._

_Acidic taste bleaching his tongue he turns his gaze upwards. Orange glow of embers outlining the fortress, making the foundation stand out hauntingly against the dark sea of stars._

_The soft crackle of fire drowned out by shouts and screams, their voices gnarled, unrecognizable, as if underwater._

_He’s been here a hundred times before, stuck and utterly worthless on the other side._

_But somethings different._

_Unlike all the dreams that came before._

_For the first time Reiner’s able to see over the wall._

_Beyond the wall, through chaos he sees Bertholdt, knelt on the ground._

_Annie looms over him._

_Pistol in her hand, the barrel pressed against his forehead._

_Bertholdt’s not screaming._

_Annie’s finger rests on the trigger, pulling back —_

_There’s no bang. No, instead as her slim finger draws back the metal there’s a sound of creaking wood._

_A door being opened?_

—

  
Reiner wakes drenched in sweat. 

Disoriented from sleep and the sudden adrenaline rush he can’t be sure, but it should be the dead of night right now. 

Well past visiting hours.

While he can’t be sure of the hour there’s no denying that the sound of the door had been _very_ real. 

And so is the figure staring him down.

The blond is out of bed instantly. Heart pounding against his chest.

Standing mere inches from the iron bars is someone Reiner hoped he would never have to meet again. Nothing could have prepared him to be visited by the person who almost succeeded in killing him. 

With how close the stranger is to the bars the way the fire lights the hallway behind silhouettes him in shadow. Too close. 

Even with the darkness heavy on the others features Reiner instantly recognizes him. He’ll probably never be fortunate enough to be able to forget the way the others face had contorted back then. The image burned into his retinas... Demonic.

It’s hard to think of him as human. 

Dark brindle hair a mess, the length almost a boyish cut, just covering his ears. No uniform in sight, wearing matching ugly beige nightshirt and pants. 

Reiner had been right, it was nighttime. So why was he getting a visitor now?

“Did you come to finish the job?” Reiner half jokes, he’s the first to break the silence, it was unnerving. Causing the hairs on the back on his neck to stand. 

The man reaches forward, hands now gripping the metal that keeps them separated, knuckles white. Him and Armin appear to be polar opposites.

“I had to see it with my own eyes.” The stranger says, as if it’s obvious. “The man who was causing all this commotion.”

Reiner already knows he’s the talk of the whatever base they’re on right now. But that hadn’t meant he wanted confirmation.

“If you wanted to see me why did you wait?” Reiners genuinely curious, why wait almost four days to meet with him and more importantly why wait until night? 

It’s as if his _almost murderer_ didn’t want the others to know...

The brunette stares back at him, quiet. 

Then proceeds to release his hands from prison bars, going to the hem of his shirt to lift up the material to reveal ugly yellow and purple bruising. On the shorter mans left side a colorful painting, almost exactly where Reiners own injury lay. 

Where Annie had left her mark, on the both of them. 

Huh. Well that’s not what Reiner had been expecting. 

“I have two fractured ribs because of you.” He can’t really blame Reiner for that. 

Can he? 

“Listen, if you have a problem with that take it up with Annie.” Reiner wants to go back to bed. Or at least get this bastard away from him. 

“Do you hate her?” 

Reiner almost gets whiplash at the question. 

Reiner’s really not sure what he feels towards Annie. Resentment burns strongly in his chest every time he thinks of her. There’s a lot he’s keeping buried. 

But...

Who does this crazy asshole think he is? As if he would actually answer that.

“I don’t know you.” Reiners starting to get irritated now. He has enough on his plate already. The nighttime was supposed to be his sanctuary, where he didn’t have to worry about keeping face. Now some asshole is ruining his sleep. The blond never seems to catch a break.

“But I know you.” Green eyes seem to glow in the dark. Just like before. _When he had been squeezing the life out of Reiner._ “I’ve met plenty of people like you, you’re all the same.”

Ah. He’s one who isn’t afraid to speak his mind. In an odd way Reiner finds it refreshing but he’s not in the mood for it right now.

Unlike Armin, even Annie he understands the stranger standing in front of him. This is what makes sense to Reiner. The hatred. It’s all painfully familiar. 

There’s something unsettling about it all. 

“I know what you are.”

“Oh and what’s that?” Reiner takes the bait.

“A liar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling your going to be there longer than a month Reiner :(
> 
> Sorry this took so long, I’ve been playing Pokémon Isle of Armor.
> 
> I’m hoping to post about 2 chapters every month, but with how long these chapters have been one in a while it might only be one a month. Next chapter is going to start with Erens POV, just before he goes to see Reiner. And it will go more into detail about of what’s going on outside Reiners cell, discussing the search party that’s heading out. Also there will be more of Eren being creepy, just in general.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!


End file.
